I am a chronic rusher, chronically urgent, chronically in a hurry. And let me tell you, this takes a toll on the nervous system. For almost five years, I worked for a wilderness therapy program in Alaska. We spent our days canoeing on the ocean and hiking through mountains, teaching young people how to live, move, and survive in the wild. The work demanded precision. We had to be off the water by dark, camp set up before nightfall. If you missed your time frames, things got difficult fast. On...
2 months ago • 2 min read
For years, really from the time I was 14 until my late twenties, I did everything I could to avoid what was going on inside of me. I didn’t know it then, but my body was carrying so much shame that it felt nearly intolerable to be present to it. The way I coped was through numbness, dissociation, freeze states, and substances that amplified my disconnection. At the time, I thought I was just moving through life. In reality, I had little to no idea what was happening inside me. It wasn’t until...
2 months ago • 1 min read
I think a lot about fix-it energy, and I recently connected the dot that fix-it energy is perhaps a symptom of capitalism. You know, this idea that if I can provide you the fix, I can also sell you the solution. In the context of therapy, I encounter this most often is when people ask me, “Can you give me a series of skills that I can incorporate so that I don’t have to feel this way?” And I understand the sentiment and the desire to get that answer. But inherent in that question is the...
2 months ago • 1 min read
I was raised in a conservative Christian household. The values animating my first myth were built on traditional ideals, and they felt like solid ground. When I got to college, that ground shook. I encountered professors who were critical of the United States and others who named conservatism, whiteness, and capitalism as evil and insidious. At the time, I couldn’t sit with those ideas. They felt like a direct attack on who I was and the world I came from. I didn’t recognize it then, but I...
3 months ago • 1 min read
Whats up ya'll? This is a little different than what I usually send out. It's quite a bit longer and I feel like its important. If you read this one, I'd love to hear what you think! The Shimmer, the Nervous System, and Attention I have waited my whole life to enter a place like this. Knowledge unbounded. Access to information I used to dream about. I look around at the endless stacks, and my mind can’t even comprehend the immensity of what I hold in my hand. I pause. I whisper a prayer to...
3 months ago • 8 min read
This week my family helped move my grandma into an assisted living facility. There were about 20 of us there, her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Four generations, packing and organizing, trying to make the transition as smooth as possible. And yet, I couldn’t help but feel profoundly sad. My grandpa died a couple years ago, suddenly, and my grandma has been deeply lonely ever since. Losing a partner after 50+ years will do that. She stood there, fading in and out of...
3 months ago • 1 min read
I’m astounded by the depths of the lies that we integrate about ourselves. And not only do we perpetuate those lies through our behavior, we internalize them and we don’t even recognize that they are lies. Now, I’m intentionally using this word lie because it is provocative. Nobody likes to be called a liar. And truthfully, I don’t think most people lie intentionally. But I’ve taken this new perspective recently, that people-pleasing, performing, producing, acting out our conditioning, are...
3 months ago • 1 min read
Hey folks, Urgency feels normal in our culture: fast emails, multitasking, squeezing more into less time. But your nervous system registers urgency as a threat. When you rush, your body thinks something dangerous is happening, and it kicks into hypervigilance. Over time, this state becomes the default. Your system doesn’t learn how to downregulate, and the wear-and-tear builds. The antidote? Slowing down. Even small shifts retrain your body to recognize safety. When you give your full...
4 months ago • 1 min read
Do you ever notice yourself still living by rules you never actually agreed to? I realized recently that part of me still is. The inner child in me is sitting at a desk in a classroom, listening closely as the teacher explains the rules. Afraid of losing approval, I soak up every word, determined not to step out of line. No talking while she is teaching. Walk in a single-file line. Be in my seat before the bell rings. No food at my desk. Keep everything organized. Turn my paper into the box....
4 months ago • 1 min read